I've talked to many of you about your favorite takeaways from last month's webinar on Relationship Requirements, Needs & Wants (if you haven't had a chance to listen yet, click on the MEDIA Tab).
I've asked for feedback and the results were interesting -- and a little surprising! Here are the top 3 comments:
1) SELF DISCLOSURE - By far, the thing most commented on was my personal story. I consistently heard appreciation for knowing I have also experienced challenges in this area even though I am a therapist and relationship coach. Who knew?!
*This speaks directly to our need to feel normal! No one wants to be outside of the Tribe; the need for belonging is built into our DNA. One thing I LOVE about my work with clients is I get to normalize challenges for them. Having worked with thousands of people over the years, I am in a unique position to comment on the human experience. What I can say is MOST people struggle with the SAME THINGS. Of course there are variations, but we kind of get stuck similarly.
Also, as a therapist, I rarely self-disclose. As a coach, there's more leeway here. When we are doing the Hard Work of reaching beyond our comfort zones to create our Best Life, it's helpful to know our coach "gets" it, isn't perfect, and has walked the path herself.
2) REQUIREMENTS - I also heard folks really resonating with the idea that Requirements are so powerful, even one missing Requirement can threaten a relationship. Explains some of those past failed relationships, Right??
*This is so important because identifying our Requirements vs. Needs vs. Wants does a couple of things. First, it increases self knowledge, which is critical to the health and longevity of any relationship. Second, this process really brings Clarity to what is most important to us for relationship satisfaction, and where we can be flexible.
3) I CAN MEET SOME NEEDS MYSELF - This one is huge in my book. We all really need to take a look at our expectations in our relationships, including (and Especially) our Unconscious Expectations.
*Are we expecting our partner to be our one-stop-shop for happiness and fulfillment? (Thanks, Disney and Hollywood!) Are we expecting our partner to read our mind or believe they "should just know" what we prefer? This is unfortunately common, and a very bad set up, as no one is a mind reader and no one can be everything to their partner. Putting that kind of pressure on someone will inevitably cause disappointment and resentment ON BOTH SIDES.
EXPECTATIONS determine our experience in life, so let's shine a light on our unconscious expectations, evaluate how reasonable they are, and where we need to course correct.
I've had so much fun with this webinar and talking to folks about how the information landed with them!
Please feel free to share this info with anyone who may benefit. And if you have a question or feel pulled to share your feedback, please reach out, I'd love to hear from you. :)
To Your Best Life!